I would say that my walk w/ the Lord, I have scewed into a direction of discernment in what God speaks. Whom can I listen to who is the speaker? What do I adopt of which comes out of their mouth? Is my mind so conditioned to shut my mouth in sharing my troubles or questions? My pain is real, my trust has turned to rust. What is the promis of my future and when is it going to be revealed? How much longer God? When I examine myself when my thoughts are beside me, I KNOW that my heart is patiently waiting for the Lord to pull me out of the muck that I am spinning my wheels in. Am I humble? I wait for that day that I will give praise to the Lord for being Him. God says "...be still and know that I am God".
One thing is... is God real for me? I know He is real. I have fallen out of trust in His word, or atleast it has been brought into my mind that He has failed me. Either He has failed me or I have failed Him. God is perfect, so it is apparent that, I, am the one that failed Him. I have appologized to Him for not being strong in Him. I have a contradicting mind when I hear His word. The book of Job is different. It is a story of which Job is going through... so far, there really hasnt been any promis' by God at the point that I am reading.
One thing that I am doing is avoiding conflict. I am running away from any type of conflict. Am I @ fault for causing this conflict? It takes two to fight. Am I so incapsulated in my own self pride, that my pride has over powered my righteousness?
What is God teaching me? Am I taking note of my discernment of what has been happening? I think so. I often think what is God doing.
I am home sick. I feel that I have invested my life in my family only for it to be broken up. I miss our beautiful house, Jasmine and my wife, dog. Thats my family. I am living out of boxes in a small room, its comfy, but its not home.
Peter Pickett
Anchorage, Alaska