A New Direction

Sooooooo, life is going in a new direction for the meantime. I have made a decision to make life better for, 1 myself, my children... my wife, and my extended family. My step daughter Jasmine, though I call her my daughter, has been there by my side for everything, making her objections known that she does not approve of my drinking... her and other people as well. DAMAGE!!! (more on this damage thing later).

What happens when you get a broken arm... you go to someone that knows how to fix it, eh? Well, my mind is broken, and the bible tells us what we need to do- to seek guidance from the elders from a church (I say from 'A' church because I am not currently a member in any church at this time). God has brought someone in my life that has gone through exactly what I am going through. And talking w/ him, he has made an analogy of a basketball court with God inside of it. I too was inside. I have gone out of bounds recently by drinking and smoking, as well as casting my line out over the boundary line ... ... ... So to speak, I went outside the boundary of the game (not living according to the way that God wants us to live). God gives us the bible for many reasons, one of them is how He wants us to live. We need to decide if we are going to live a life of sin (going out of bounds) or live life according to how God intended us to live (staying in-bounds).

I havent made God priority number one in recent past. He is in me. He will never leave me nor forsake me, no matter if I get angry at him. I have asked Jesus back into my heart, but He has never left me. He has been there w/ me as I go throught the valley. He is there to help and heal me, to bring me through my trials...

I'm tired, I am going to bed... and I chose to live my life according to the bible. Peace out.

I have fallen... and I will get back up

Hmmm, what can I say today. I shake my head as I think of the lifesyle that I have dipped into. My recent smoking and drinking has lead me astray from what means most to me in life. Done by not caring for my one special relationship. Done for selfish reasonings, earthly desires putting up a transparency to what I believe in. Not living the life of understanding that has been gifted to me. Not -->trusting without doubt dispite what ever crosses my path and knowing that my life is perfectly safe.

I have fallen... and I will get back up. You learn from your mistakes and try and prevent them from ever happening again. What has been broken will be put back together stronger than it was.

------The thief only comes to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.---John 10:10

Lost and unsure of what is going to happen next

What is so captivating in life. I think that I havent been a very happy person in recent years. I have discovered this by merely viewing other peeps MySpace's, as well as talking to people that described what personality characteristics I used to have. People appear to be happy. Can I compare myself to other people? Am I in my mid-life crissis?

I have been evaluating my success in what I have done in life... (I havent really even set any goals in the first place.) What I have currently done has not worked out... is it time for a change? I stand thinking what goals I can come up with to define who I really should be.

Considering separation in my marriage is allowing my mind to come up w/ what my day-dreams are telling me- being SEPARATE would mean that I could do whatever my heart desires instead of planning life decisions w/ another person. The biggest heartbreak about separation would be for the kids. Growing up, my parents had thier tough times and went through a near separation, and it was very hurt-full. I would only hope the best for our kids.